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Lunatyck · 03-25-2019, 01:22 PM

Detroit Daily - Sports Section with Dale Danley

Falcons take Game 1 with upset victory over Vancouver - Polish guy makes a "HUGE" play

After a overtime win by the Falcons Falcons

against the Whalers Whalers

, our media caught up with Polish superstar and league favorite, Przemysław Brzeszczyczkiewicz to hear what he had to say after his first experience in SMJHL playoffs and his HUGE play.

Here is what he had to say.

"Halo.

Thank you everyone for coming here and watching the game. As you can see, us Detroit Falcons put up a very big win tonight with a overtime victory carried by Big Knuts (Espen Knutsen Jr) game winning goal. Many people coming here thinking that Borromini Callenini is going to make pasta of us Falcons but we saying FUCK THAT and make Whale mostaccioliout of his pussy team. I am very very exciting to take first game to our side and adrenelina is still pumping full force. Coming here this morning, I nervous very much because this is first time I playing in high intensity playoff scenario in Amerika. In Polska, we not having big fan base so regular game or playoff its no many people there so knowing that many people coming here today to watch game 1 make me a bit nervous but also very exciting. This morning I knew I had to be in top forma for the game so I making sure to limit kielbasa intake to only 3 links last night instead of regular 4. Also no potato because karbohydrate making me fat and sleepy. I no wanting to be slow on ice so I make this hard sacrifice for better playing in big game. So after healthy 13 egg breakfast to up my proteina, I head to rink for morning skate but first had to make pit stop to taking epic shit beforehand -- I no wanting to make mess on ice you know.

Morning skate was very good. I speaking with Wibbly McButternutz and we talking strategy on how we can shut down opponent. The main thing I remember he saying is "Dude, you fucking gota be ready to lay it all on the line Pussy Blaster. I mean, lay it ALL out -- kielbasa kock and all. Make sure these Whaler dick heads cant make a pass in our zone or even think about skating inside our dots. Make sure to fuck 'em up raw dog style, you get what I'm saying Polski?" In reality, I having no fucking clue what he is saying but I know he tell me to use my kock to block shots if need be so that is what I remember most. Coach come in to locker room after morning skate and saying some motivational things too, but he turned to me and say "Polak - dont fuck up on your first game or else I'll have big daddy Trump revoke your green card and get your foreign ass deported faster than a mexican at a grocery store in Tucson." Everyone is laughing but I no understand why this so fucking funny because I no wanted to get deported. I was fucking scared now because Papa Mirek would be so ashame if I lose kontrakt and go home with no more access to Amerika. But luckily Knuts come over to me after speech and say coach was only joking so that help relaxing my nerves. I am prepare now to go into game.

Pre game warm up went excellent. Fans are coming in and I can hear SKREEEE from inside the locker room of many Detroit fans in stands. Our kapitan give us huge pep talk and say many motivational thing and we come out full power to start the game. My adrenalina pumping so hard I feel blood pumpin in my neck and for some reason, I feel my kock growing too. My head kind of feeling light too and then Wibbly coming to me, slapping me on my ass, and laughing to me "YOU FEEL IT YET POLSKI?! I ADDED SOMETHING NICE TO YOUR GATORADE, YOU CAN THANK ME LATER". I thinking WHAT THE FUCK Wibbly, what the fuck is going on, what the fuck happening. But no time to think, coach already calling my number for next shift and it is fucking go time. I am ready to obliterate this fucking place like Polish Hussar fuck up mongol invaders in 1240. First shift goes great and butterfly from stomach go away but I still having biggest fucking kielbasa boner of my life and it no go away. Wibbly still smiling at me and giving me thumbs up every time on bench saying "YOU FEEL IT!?" Next shift goes well but Kielbasa Kock still 100% torqued, I know something is up and I feeling that Wibbly having something to do with this. Coach calls out our line again halfway into 1st period after icing and we heading back on ice. Whalers win the faceoff and I line up near top circle to defense against their D who get quick pass from face off. I know this is dangerous area for our goalie and I expecting big shot to come from the blue line so I knew this is big moment for me. Everything go slow-motion and I hearing Wibbly voice in my ear "LAY IT ALL OUT". Duggan is winding up massive slapshot one timer and at the same time somehow my kielbasa kock slipping out of my cup, out of pant and peeking just outside only head. I saying "OH SHIT" and the puck flying right at me and I have no time to turning away so I cover my face with one hand praying for the best. That is when I feeling the impact, directly against my fully erekt kock, and puck ricochet to the right and missing the net. I have mastered Wibbly signature move of the kock stop and you can hearing him going AWOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO like wild coyote saying "FUCK YA MAN NICE DICK STOP SKREEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE". I having so much adrenalina and shock I know what happening so I finish my shift and finally erektion going down.

Wibbly coming to me right after period is finish and say "DUDE IT FUCKING WORKED BRO! AHHAHAHAHAH FUCKING A MAN THAT WAS THE SICKEST DICK STOP OF THE SEASON HAHAHAHA BRO I DUMPED LIKE 24 VIAGRAS AND SOME NORCOS IN YOUR GATORADE CAN YOU FUCKING BELIEVE IT HAHSAHAHAHAH DUDE THAT WAS FUCKING AWESOME!" Holy fucking crazy man this guy is. 24 fucking viagra!? That is enough to make horse hung for week. I surprising my heart no stop or dick no explode but I guess in some way, he save me and this game because Duggan had open lane until my kock slip out last second to make the play. I no believing that my teammate try to do this to me because can be very dangerous but Amerikans can be crazy as we all know, so I no holding this against him. The rest of game my dick feel extra sore and I think I need to see doctor because it is a little blue, but I thinking if I no having this special mix from Wibbly, then maybe I no making the play, Whalers scoring and we no win the game. In the end, we win the game, I make my teammate Wibbly proud, and now my kielbasa kock is 2x the size. Time to take some picture and posting up on my tinder for ladies to see. Maybe they wanting to massage it to making it feel better Wink

hehe.
"

Well that was quite the story and probably a bit more NSFW than our producer would have wanted, but I guess that's what happens when you put a mic in front of an adrenaline and viagra filled Polak after his first playoff victory. We hope the Falcons

Falcons all the best in the remainder of the series and a quick recovery for our beloved Polish superstar's weiner. This is Dale with Detroit Daily signing off. 'Til next game folks.

1350 words my dudes

***Acsolap*** · 03-25-2019, 08:42 PM

Fucking hell. What a story.

Credit to Ml002, King, Wasty, Carpy, Bruins10, Rum_Ham, Turd Ferguson, Ragnar and Enigmatic for the sigs.
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SecondSucks22 · 03-25-2019, 09:21 PM

Wonder how wibbly feels after game 2. Probably a little wobbly (@Wibbly McButternutz

Lunatyck · 03-25-2019, 10:50 PM

03-25-2019, 09:21 PMSecondSucks22 Wrote: Wonder how wibbly feels after game 2. Probably a little wobbly (@Wibbly McButternutz

The refs were paid off I'm convinced . They did my boy dirty on that ejection

SecondSucks22 · 03-25-2019, 10:56 PM

03-25-2019, 10:50 PMLunatyck Wrote:
03-25-2019, 09:21 PMSecondSucks22 Wrote: Wonder how wibbly feels after game 2. Probably a little wobbly (@Wibbly McButternutz

The refs were paid off I'm convinced . They did my boy dirty on that ejection

Having been his line mate in the prospect showcase, I can without a doubt say he should be ejected every game all the time for any reason

Wibbly McButternutz · 03-26-2019, 12:36 PM

I respect anyone willing to drop em' with me, even if I come out worse for wear.

Sami · 03-26-2019, 04:35 PM

03-26-2019, 12:36 PMWibbly McButternutz Wrote: I respect anyone willing to drop em' with me, even if I come out worse for wear.

No problem mate. First fight first win, that's what I do.

Lunatyck · 03-26-2019, 06:15 PM

03-26-2019, 04:35 PMSami Wrote:
03-26-2019, 12:36 PMWibbly McButternutz Wrote: I respect anyone willing to drop em' with me, even if I come out worse for wear.

No problem mate. First fight first win, that's what I do.

I'm also 1-0 in fights. Try me next time and I'll fuck you up fam :D

SecondSucks22 · 03-26-2019, 09:59 PM

03-26-2019, 06:15 PMLunatyck Wrote:
03-26-2019, 04:35 PMSami Wrote: No problem mate. First fight first win, that's what I do.

I'm also 1-0 in fights. Try me next time and I'll fuck you up fam :D

He doesn't wanna die PB&J, he didn't even start the fight with wibbly

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