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dylanjj37 · 08-09-2019, 10:49 AM

First article bonus, x2

WHO IS THE BEST PLAYER ON THE ANCHORAGE ARMADA?

Who is the best player on the Anchorage Armada? I decided to find out. I set up a very scientific survey and set it out to players, staff, alumni and random people (Jepox). After receiving a huge amount of responses, the results have been compiled and we shall now see who is the best player.

The winner is....

[Image: avatar_2269.jpg?dateline=1555130871]

Gabe Johnson, Defenseman
@Gwdjohnson

Gabe Johnson was unanimously voted as the best player on the Anchorage Armada. Two people voted for Gabriel Johnson, but this clearly still counts. This is the first time a player has been chosen unanimously on a BPOTAA survey. Although there is no prize for winning, he does get to read this article about why he is the best.

Responders were asked to give their reasons for voting Gabe the best player. Due to an unprecedented amount of responses, I can only list a few here. I will also keep responders' confidentiality by giving them nicknames.

JL: Biggest dick on the team

I'm not sure what makes this qualify Gabe Johnson as the best player on the team. It's also probably incorrect as this graph shows. Using 5ympathies well-researched formula to calculate the size, I calculated the entire team's sizes. Unfortunately, they didn't all fit on the graph so I could only use a sample but I think it helps you understand. Even “JL” himself is bigger than Gabe Johnson. Of course, there is the possibility that “JL” has had the opportunity to see Gabe Johnson up close and perhaps he is bigger than expected, but I don't think so.

[Image: armadasize_graph2.PNG?width=400&height=189]

AW: He plays badly to make everyone else look good

The statistics show that this one is true. In the S49 SMJHL season, Gabe Johnson has yet to score any goals. Is he doing this on purpose? Or is he just bad at scoring? It doesn't really matter if it makes his teammates look good. Because this is only a small sample, I have also looked at the S48 SMJHL season to see if the trend continued. It does. Gabe Johnson scored 59% fewer goals than other people on the team. If he is doing this on purpose, it is very nice of him to let others have an opportunity to score. “AW” certainly thinks so, as he along with everyone else, voted Gabe Johnson Best Player on the Anchorage Armada.

NS: Gabe Johnson is good to make fun of

I don't disagree. It is extremely fun to make jokes about Gabe Johnson and he takes them well. This makes him a great guy to be around in the locker room and obviously the best player on the team.

IV: Gabe will never get called up

“IV” says that “everyone sucks here” in Anchorage, so it's not hard for Gabe Johnson to be the best player. He also says that Gabe Johnson is dedicated and has given up everything for the team. “IV” describes Gabe Johnson as a demonic were-beast and explains that the SHL keeps sending him down is because they don't want him to play for them. This means Gabe Johnson has a skill level a conventional Juniors player can't match and thus makes him the best player on the team, if not in the league.

GJ: Gabe Johnson is pretty good

I think this response may be biased but as I have no proof I have included it anyway. There is not much to go in this response, but if “GJ” says Gabe Johnson is pretty good, then Gabe Johnson must be pretty good.

IV: The reasons are
SM: ?

Upon further questioning, “SM” explained that this emoji means Gabe Johnson is a disappointment. I'm not sure why “SM” voted for Gabe Johnson as Best Player if he is a disappointment but there you go.

DJ: There are a thousand reasons Gabe is the best

“DJ” gave perhaps the most detailed description of why Gabe Johnson is the best player on the Anchorage Armada. In fact, he claims that there are a thousand reasons Gabe Johnson is the best. I shall go through a few of the thousand reasons he listed.

Gabe's Leadership

Despite the captaincy vote still being ongoing, “DJ” has listed leadership as one Gabe Johnson's best qualities. He also seems to be confused as to whether Gabe Johnson is a player or a coach - “one of the best coaches we have”. According to “DJ”, Gabe Johnson has been excellent at helping the rookies (I'm not so sure about this myself), making sure players are getting the training they need by reminding them of training opportunities and helping players focus on areas of improvement that will help them the most.

Gabe's Two-Way Production

“DJ”, who may or may not have been Gabe Johnson's partner on the blue line last season, is an expert in Gabe Johnson's on-ice production. “Gabe's two-pay production is nigh unparalleled,” he says. Gabe Johnson was Anchorage's highest scorer in the last preseason with 39 points, beating all forwards on the team and becoming the 7th highest scoring defenceman league-wide. “DJ” describes Gabe Johnson as a reliable hand and explains that he never feels concerned with him on the ice.

Gabe's Humor

Although I have already mentioned that Gabe Johnson is fun to laugh at, it turns out he is also good making other people laugh himself. “DJ” says that Gabe Johnson helps the locker room stay constantly upbeat and active. He is also good at encouraging rookies by making jokes, making memes and telling stories. “DJ” adds that “the locker room would just a be generic, cold, dark place” without Gabe Johnson.

As you have seen, Gabe Johnson has numerous qualities that led to him being named Best Player on the Anchorage Armada. As a quick recap, these include his selflessness at making others look good, being a good sport, his excellent leadership, his brilliant sense of humor and last but most importantly, his excellent hockey skills.

Thanks to everyone who responded to my survey especially @frithjofr and to @5ympathies for formula.

I will leave you with these final quotes:

“Without Gabe, the Anchorage Armada would be a much different team, both on and off the ice. We're lucky to have him not just as a teammate, but also as a friend.” - “DJ”

“I am not Gabe's biggest fan but the team sure does seem to support him as the best player.” - "SM"

"I heard a rumour that he's actually a 90 year old man still waiting for his chance to crack an SHL roster. Sad." - "IV"

“[Gabe Johnson] sucks tho” - “TF”

Final word count is 1107 words, first media x2