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Merica · 10-26-2013, 08:30 PM

If you were to say, in passing, that the Seattle Riot and their fans were out of control, arrogant and selfish, you would not be far from the truth. The Seattle Police Department, everytime we attempt to question them about the Riot players, their fans and their late night antics, only shake their head and say "No comment". But we all know what they want to say, which is "Life was so much easier before they moved here, so, so much easier." The SPD has had to increase their force substantially to deal with the rise in craziness that has hit this city.

We spoke to a few police departments in other SHL cities, and they've all said the same thing, more or less, "Every time they come here, it's a nightmare. Because it isn't just the players, its the crazy amount of fans that travel to see them play, they are the worst fans from a police and opposing team perspective in the entire league."

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Jason Due and Christoph Klose.

As the Riot have surged their way towards the playoffs, which was wholly unexpected before the season began, the fans have strengthened their support and increased in numbers for road games. And home games? Good God, it really is a riot, pun intended. If your not a Riot fan, and you attend one of their home games, you might as well just stay home. They have been known to point at and chant "Fuck You" to an opposing fan who dared to represent their team, and literally the entire arena gets involved, so involved that the big screen eventually places the camera upon that unlucky fan. It's ridicolous and should be stopped. It's completely apparent that the Seattle organization does not intend to put a damper on the behavior of their fans or players, therefore the SHL needs to take action. I understand supporting your team, but they take it far and beyond what is normal and accepted in today's society.

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And as I write that, I am only making things worse for the next opposing teams fans, because in true Riot fashion, they will be more belligerent just to spite this article.So, sorry for that. But, let's press on to some of the things that the Riot players and fans have actually done this season. Some of them are so absurd that you have to wonder, even drunk, what put those thoughts in their head? You will also wonder why the hell Seattle does nothing to stop these antics. And some, like the first one, there is no logical reason behind it.

Jason Due recently picketed a Red Lobster during a road trip, claiming "Inhumane treatment of Lobsters", which was displayed in big bold letters on his sign. Why? Well, I will wager that he lost a bet to Daniel Merica, because seriously, who thinks up stuff like that on their own? Or, perhaps, he just loves lobsters. Either way, what the hell. Although the strangeness of this event was only strengthened when he was caught stroking and caressing a lobster in the shower after the teams victory.

Joey Langdon, the teams current enforcer, apparently has a softer side when it comes to music selection. Before a road game against Los Angeles, Langdon parked his rental car in the parking lot and blared Paramore as loud as his Dodge Neon would allow and in his own words to the Police Officer who questioned him and threatened to ticket him for disturbing the peace, Langdon said "Oh, no problem, I was just waiting to see how long it would take you to get here. Have a nice day officer."

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This list of course, would not be complete without a few Daniel Merica sightings. During every road game in Canada, Merica has been spotted before games, on the ice, warming up with a t-shirt that reads"I'm American, and Better Than You Because Of It". Or "If Your Not American, Fuck You" . What did he say when he was asked about these obviously politically incorrect shirts? "I like fucking with people, and Canadians are fun to fuck with."

Opposing Canadian players have said that during games, Merica has been known to scream "Merica Motherfucker" as he skates in for a hit, then yell "How's that freedom feel" as he skates away. This was reported multiple times. League referees have said that they have held meetings just to discuss how to properly deal with Merica, because in their own words "I've never seen a player, winning or losing, talk so much arrogant, belligerent shit from start to finish in my entire life. He does not stop, he continually antagonizes and belittles opponents. He could be -5 , cost his team the game and still be talking shit as he walks off the ice."

Let us not fail too mention all of the bar fights. If Seattle comes to town, expect atleast a couple of scrapes. Recently, in Hamilton, Joey Langdon found himself at the Slainte Irish Pub, a joint knwn for it's loyal support of the Steelhawks and hatred for opposing fans, its like Hamilton's go-to place to avoid other teams fans. Well, Langdon and Merica decided it would be funny to show up there after a victory over the hometown team. Their sense of humor escapes me.

During this visit, and it was very short, since they were immediately recognized both on their appearance and their loud entrance of "RIOT BITCHES". Also at this bar, drinking away the bitter taste of defeat, was grinder and enforcer Steven Jalopski and teammate Blaine. Obviously not in the mood for Langdon and especially Merica, they took the grown mans approach, stepped in their way and politely asked them to leave the establishment.

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Due to Jalopski's normal appearance, it was difficult to tell whether he was injured in the brawl.

Seems fair, right? Langdon's answer was a push to the chest that knocked over Blaine. What ensued was a full on brawl between the four players as the other customers circled around them to watch the festivities. Jalopski landed a quick right to Merica, who he has been known to despise and followed it with a gut punch that sent him briefly to the floor. Langdon quickly stepped in and engaged Jalopski, smashing a hard left into his chin as Merica tackled Blaine and attempted to hammer fist him . Blaine landed a rib shot and the two traded a few blows before the police stormed in, and as much as they wanted to see Jalopski and Blaine trash the Riot players, they broke up the fight. It was ruled a draw by all four players, who were quoted as saying "See you next road trip". Langdon left with bruised ribs, Merica left with a nice shiner, Jalopski had a few bruises, but lets be honest, when does he not? Blaine was the least effected, because Merica punches like a girl.

Back to the strange, unexplainable things that Riot players do, we bring your attention to Christoph Klose. The German forward who is on his way to the hall of fame after an illustrious career, has never been one to put himself out there in the news for negative or stupid reasons. But, it appears that Daniel Merica has strange effects on people. Klose was spotted being chained to the back of a meat truck by Langdon as Merica stood by and filmed it. Why is this funny to them? Because Klose is a well known vegetarian. His teammates thought it would be funny to chain him to said meat truck, then slowly eat a steak in front of him, and every now and then letting him smell that ever so tempting aroma of the meat, then eat it and talk about how yummy it was.

But don't worry, we aren't finished. Seattle's problems extend to their minor leaguers, who represent their pro franchise perfectly. Mainly, we are talking about Mikhail Kladno. The aforementioned has been known to hang out with Merica, and has thus been seen drinking, partying and doing stupid things. Keep in mind Kladno is underage. But don't let that stop you, it's not a law or anything. Kladno makes a habit of posting TJ Oshie posters in random places throughout opposing arenas and on buildings around the arena. "It's funny" Kladno said. But really, its stupid and makes no sense, like WHY? WHY? WHY? He also takes after his favorite Riot player in the trash talking category.

And, lastly tonight, we have goalie Yehuda Ben-Lev. The eccentric Jewish netminder is known for his odd pre-game rituals and pranking. Recently, at a Baskin Robbins, Ben-Lev ordered ice cream in every flavor, 31 to be exact, then pointed to a complete stranger and said that "That man there said he was paying". The stranger, dumbfounded, shook his head said "What, are you a Jew or something? Hoarding your money?" to which Ben-Lev said "Actually, yes, I am a Jew. So now your being racist."

I don't know what happened after that, but probably something entertaining. As we close tonight, I think it's important we all band together to put a stop to the Riot's ways. It will only get worse as time goes on and as the new breed of Riot continue to become more of a focal point within the franchise. But, until the day comes where they are put on a leash, I advise you be careful, especially now that their about to enter the playoffs. So, ask yourself, is this behavior good for the SHL? Should it stop? And most importantly...Can it be stopped?

1596 Words Of Awesome

idot · 10-26-2013, 08:37 PM

me 2

Merica · 10-26-2013, 08:38 PM

Quote:Originally posted by Idot@Oct 26 2013, 07:37 PM
me 2

wut

idot · 10-26-2013, 08:40 PM

Quote:Originally posted by 'Merica@Oct 26 2013, 04:38 PM

wut

tag ur it

Ramicus · 10-26-2013, 08:42 PM

Merica · 10-26-2013, 08:43 PM

Quote:Originally posted by Idot@Oct 26 2013, 07:40 PM

tag ur it

no tag ur it

u shuld sad no tag baks ha

Joester09 · 10-26-2013, 08:50 PM

Awesome.

~~gorlab~~ · 10-26-2013, 08:52 PM

plot hole: Hamilton is 3-0 against Seattle this season. :ph34r:

*Buster* · 10-26-2013, 08:59 PM

All I read was: "We're going to get swept in the first round"

Seventy-Four · 10-26-2013, 09:06 PM

Quote:Originally posted by Chris Partlow is Not Very Good@Oct 26 2013, 07:59 PM
All I read was: "We're going to get swept in the first round"

Oh look! Buster is making a joke about us getting swept in the first round!

I've never heard this before.

*Buster* · 10-26-2013, 09:08 PM

Quote:Originally posted by meow@Oct 26 2013, 08:06 PM

Oh look! Buster is making a joke about us getting swept in the first round!

I've never heard this before.

Did you hear the one about how Seattle couldn't beat Edmonton in the regular season?

Both are great B)

RomanesEuntDomus · 10-26-2013, 09:20 PM

Who?

Harry · 10-26-2013, 10:09 PM

When did Seattle get a team?

Duey · 10-26-2013, 11:49 PM

LVShark · 10-27-2013, 12:45 AM

lmao idk how I would be least affected. Im softer the baby shit haha

Great article :D Towel

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